if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
operation have a gay friend backfired
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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