That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
