i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
