Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
