Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
