i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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