All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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