I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
