I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
