BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
