Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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