To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
