omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
this will be a night to untag.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
