somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
