why didn't you poke me back
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
