i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
