Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
