My brain says no but my pants say off.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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