stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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