ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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