Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
