So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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