We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
