Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
