Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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