tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
