Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
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