I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
