I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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