The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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