I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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