Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
