In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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