And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
