barbara walters just said penis...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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