I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
