Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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