My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
