This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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