if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
