Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
