I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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