do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
