i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
