He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
