eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
