In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
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