You just made me feel so damn special
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
