There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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