remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
