remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
