my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
