david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
