spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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