I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
