Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
if only i could text you this smell
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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