I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
