Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
