She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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